The things you discover when you don’t have a TV… I devote about 1/2hr a day to entertainment on the web, and just had to share this clip before I hit the gym. Katts one of my fav. comedians, along with Pryor, Chapelle, and Charlie Murphy. Check out “gangsta tigers” and ROTFL

Although the movie kinda sucked, Ronin had the best choreographed car chase I can recall, and it came out in like 1998. Filmed entirely in France, The plot of the movie is a bit dull, but the car chase scene was smokin hot… directed by John Frankenheimer, and that badass Irish chick keeps her BMW M5 stuck to the road like white on rice.

Reality, thou hast smacked me upside the head. After a few weeks living on another planet, I’m back in California and my perceptions of the world are a little warped. I’ve got to calibrate my thinking to where I’m at and where I wanna be, because I’ve realized that what many consider to be a fantasy/vacation life is reality for a hell of a lot of people in this country. There is no need to struggle trying to scrape pennies off the sidewalk for 3/4 of your waking hours for the rest of your life, I mean this is AMERICA goddammit. If you can’t make it big here, good luck trying it elsewhere.

So yeah my brain has yet to reboot itself, and at the moment I do sincerely miss lounging on rooftop pools watching topless chicks play ping pong, and counting airplanes that seem like they’re so close you touch them. Oh I miss that magical, sinful, delicious, happy place… and I can’t wait to stack some paper so I can immerse myself in all of its decadent magic once again. This is the real world too, and truthfully the average man/woman is not that far from attaining it. Focus, focus…

See that, its called a reverse bench press. Using your own body weight and gravity it’s supposed to work you like no other. Which is good, because I am not really a fan of doing weights and big muscles anyway. But lately I’ve been wanting to tighen up my abs, chest, and arms being that I’ve ignored them for so long (all I typicall do is run and swim) so I starting doing the weight training circuit with all the other muscleheads and felons in that little dark corner of the gym.

Not too many ladies venture into this area of Bally’s or 24hr fitness, its like the elephant graveyard scene in the Lion King that Simba was warned not to venture off into. If you do happen to see a female stroll through there she is either more ripped than every dude in there or is flaunting for some attention, and Juan, Tirone, and Chico will happily eyeball her recklessly like hyenas while they walk behind her and show her the ‘proper’ right way to use the equipment. Looks like the script for a very bad 3rd rate porno flick. Anyhow I come to the gym to workout and if I have time to socialize in between laps or whatever so be it, so lately like I said I’ve been hitting the weights.

Good results after 2 weeks too, I don’t resume an action figure toy yet but my body is a lot tighter and I notice I am limping a lot more on my recovery days too. I tried some of that meal replacement energy shake shit from the health food store and it takes like really cheap hot chocolate mix. It doesn’t help to “regrow your muscle fibers faster” like the label said either. So that was a scam… anyhow its been 2 days now since I tried this new machine out, you basically lie down at a 45 degree angle and “pull up” on some weights. I have no idea what it was supposed to work but my upper chest on one side only feels like someone threw a cinder block at me. I definitely worked some unfamiliar muscle groups. Hopefully I’m better by tommorow, so I can beat the crap out of my body some more, just not on that machine

• Drives a VW convertible
• Plays volleyball
• Flexible as a rubber band
• Always has her head in a book when she’s not sleeping, working out, or doing me
• Has a circle of well rounded successful female friends like her
• Her well rounded friends are bi
• Knows the proper way to slice a pineapple and a watermelon
• Manages her stress in ways other than eating, smoking, drinking, or popping pills
• Thrill seeker who lives with her hair on fire, spontaneous
• Has no issues with giving road head
• Will not embarass you in public or make childish scenes
• Always willing to learn something new
• Wears minimal makeup, prefers to sweat her pores out instead of caking them with flammables
• Has very pretty feet that are not all tore up
• Knows the right time to wear those big shower curtain hook “hoop” earrings
• Clean fingernails are a must. They should at least be cleaner than mine
• Tan, natural or fake… even if she’s already black/yellow/white/brown a little tan doesn’t hurt
• Clean bras if she really must wear them… not funky ones
• Shave them armpits, legs, and everywhere else hair grows… I do it myself and its really not that hard
• Signals please. Touch your hair, smile, face me, look through me, a little hint is all it takes.
• If you really want to go over the top, wear a dress. I know its not easy, but it helps if you look the part

Look at all that paper. I’d love to fill my pool with it and do some laps like Uncle Scrooge. There is over 200 million dollars in that photo by the way. Just got back from what was supposed to be a job interview for this company called Primerica. Turns out it was a thinly veiled MLM seminar wherein corporate raiders do their best to hustle in more sheep for the slaughter. I started to feel bad for all the people in the room because many of them just got laid off in the recent pink slip wave, or have been out of work/money for quite some time. I was just there because I’m looking for some short term work to get me over until I start filming again in the spring.

But the thing about these seminars (and I have been to my share of them) is they pitch to audiences that are already on their last legs. I mean you could just feel all the negative ‘broke ass’ energy eminating in the room. There were a few cuties batting their eyes at me so I stuck around for about a 1/2 hour listening to this speaker work the crowd. She was pretty good, almost TV evangelist good. But to someone with just an ounce of street smarts I saw right through the facade within the first few seconds I entered the building. I thought hey, at least I’ll have something to write about when I get home. Hopefully the economy here improves and people won’t be trying to ‘get over’ on one another like this. I think we should have YeGon bail us out with all the cash in his house.

For the most part, relationships are doomed to fail from the start, including the little institution called marriage. I don’t know who comes up with these wacky ideas in the first place. “Hey I like you, lets live together… we can stay joined at the hips for 3 weeks then go to bed seething at one another for the rest of our natural lives while we blame each other for our shortcomings” or something like that. Your experience may vary. Me, I’m now 30 and have been through it all full circle.

Most people don’t know anything about the elasticity of their so-called relationships until the shit actually has hit the fan, and splattered everywhere. And let me tell you it can be a mess to clean up. If you don’t have local law enforcement, feds, shyster lawyers, tow trucks, and creditors on your back after a breakup, consider yourself a magician. These things don’t have to end nasty but generally do. It can be amplified if you’re dealing with real nutcase.

So I’ve come to the general conclusion, well before I hit age 30 that relationships do in fact suck. They are bad for your health, your wallet, and everything you hold dear in this world. And at the end of the day, the piece of mind you sacrifice is not worth it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being an antisocial prick and I love hawt women with a passion… but I value my independence above everything. I like to see, do, and go wherever the fuuuuuq I feel like, at my convenience. If I get the urge to go hop in a hot tub at 3am or go shopping for cereal with a jar full of pennies wearing a fuzzy pimp hat then I’m gonna do just that, no questions. Goodbye and AsSalaamAlaikum. Oh it feels good to be free.

Thinking back to my married days, I was like a goddam zombie. Basically an ATM machine with legs, that was more of an annoyance in the house than anything. I did everything my mate asked without question, immediately, and to the best of my ability, because I thought that was what a good man who cares should do. I had no interests or life of my own other than to please this cow, and thinking back… I really have no idea why. Other than the fact I was young and green and got taken by a shark. I mean realistically, there are not too many standup guys in this world that would even consider sticking around a woman for a minute who talks crazy to them, can’t be pleased, and is far from a being a dime. Women are not rare on this planet, so why subject yourself to the dregs when there are so many good smart fine ones out there who would love to meet you.

I can say that I’m happy I’m no longer wasting away my life in a bad situation. I’ve lost nearly a hundred pounds, got back in shape, started reading again, and am on the fast track to success now that I got my mind right. If anyone out there is feeling these words… can I get an amen.

Back when I was a BMW CCA member, they sent me this very short film that cameod Madonna and starred one of my fav actors, Clive Owen… who by all rights should have been the next in line to play James Bond. Anyhow checkout the film, and watch that BMW M5 do it’s thing. I miss my M3 when I see stuff like this:

Okay without the need for sounding like a Tony Robbins, I can’t stress the importance of following your passions. It will really make you a happier, more chill person that laughs more and stresses less. Back in my college days 10+yrs ago I was studying to get a computer science degree. I wanted to become a programmer, not so much that I like spacing out in front of a monitor typing machine code all day (oh joy!) but was more or less in it for the monetary rewards. In high school that was my career track, simply based upon the fact that I heard programmers get upwards of $80k a year being fresh out of school.

Now $80,000 sounds like a lot of money, and to a 16 year old that pretty much bounced from one ghetto to the other for most of his life it sounded pretty lucrative, and too good to pass up. So I studied my ass off, got minimally involved with sports, girls, and other high school/college functions and ceded to stay on what I thought was the path to success. Little did I know this would not be easy. Despite having a pretty good knack for banging away at a keyboard (which is really all programming is if you ask me) I was not prepared for the insurmountable prerequisites this university was throwing at me. After taking a few Unix courses and some C++ classes, I had to pass Calculus 1,2, and 3 along with Physics 1,2,and 3. Each course was a semester long, and you had to get at least a “C” to pass on to more programming stuff. Calculus 1 wasn’t too bad, I passed it first time around, same with Physics… but Calculus 2 OMG…. that is some alien math. I took that course 3 different times at 2 different universities and still no dice.

For those of you who have never done Calc2, they ask interesting questions like how much gallons are in a slice of water (I shit you not!). First of all wtf is a slice of water… its total abstract thinking, I was beginning to wonder if I got high like everyone else in the class maybe I would comprehend better. So I never got the full grasp of derivatives, limitations, and these other alien concepts so I was at a standstill for my degree. After failing that shit 3 times I needed a break… I dropped out and devoted all my time to working on my adult websites and haven’t really looked back since until now. Its been a wild decade for me. Sure I wish I had finished my degree, as I’m now playing catchup to all my peers who have somewhat stable lives, their first home, etc… I’ve kinda been there and done that on so many levels over and over it seems rather mundane to even bring up my own stories, but I’m happy for anyone that makes a way for themself.

Oh there I go drifting again… anyhow back to the topic at hand, following passions in your life is important or you will always be empty. If you choose to do a job just for the money, and it isn’t a short term “ways to a means” that you know for sure you’ll be exiting in the near future, then don’t do it. Whatever good money you make from it, you will expend just trying to forget about how shitty your chosen line of work is. I can’t picture myself in a cubicle for life anymore, banging away at a keyboard and subordinating myself to everyone who thinks they have a lick of authority over me, let alone the feeling of being so expendable would bother me to no end. So I’m glad I didn’t become a programmer. I’m just not cut out for it. Now that I think about it, I’m not really cut out for work in general, but if I had to “do a job” to eat and have a warm place to sleep I would want to do something like:

• hollywood stunt driver
• voiceovers for video game characters that need a black guys voice
• guy that makes real fruit smoothies in the food court at the mall
• running partner/trainer to gazillionaires
• massage chair tester
• classic volkswagen rabbit tuner shop owner
• professional sleep research guinea pig
• motivational public speaker
• tow truck guy who helps people for free who are broke down on the road
• man-whore for hire to rich and famous broads
• racing instructor
• classic films movie theatre proprietor
• amateur porn star/director

Ironically I’ve done about half of those things already to varying degrees of success, and my point is nowhere down the line did being a programmer entire the equation. I thirst for competition, fun, adrenaline, excitement, information, and helping people and being useful in general. There is not much I can do for the world, sitting behind a monitor with a blank stare while only using my fingertips.

So I hope thats a little inspiration for all of you to follow your passions. If you’re not happy with what you’re doing or where you’re headed then flip the script and make appropriate changes, because you’re only coming this way once. If you don’t have the knowhow or skills to do what you want, and you’re actually serious about pursuing it, then do your homework and step to the plate. As far as the porno game goes, I’m only going to be making films that somewhat interest me, that I may put a little bit of myself (no pun intended) into my work. After a decade of making sites that I don’t really care about for audiences that I knew nothing about, its time to inject a little passion into production and make some real good stuff. Be on the lookout me.

Shimmy

I bumped into nearly every girl working the porno circuit at the latest trade shows, and there are a few moments that notably stick out in my mind once I’m away from all the lights and camera flashes. There is this new girl on the scene, Ashli Orion that is almost cracks me up more than Penny Flame, and she’s a young little thing too. I remember cruising by the AVN booth once I got my exhibitor badge and taking a few fun poses with her. Having just met a few minutes ago Ashli asks me “So how do you wanna do this?” and I said just look and act normal babe. Heh.

Ashli tells me she hasn’t been normal in a very long time. But I did have a lot of fun with her, and can say she honestly has a lot of charisma and the ability to work a large crowd. She’s the ultimate attention whore, which in this business is a good quality to have. Good luck Ashli, if I can think of an angle to market you I’ll definitely book ya in the future.